Lifestyles

Gay critics like to talk about people's lifestyles, how some are good and some bad, how there's pretty much just two.

Another pre-dawn train of thought pushed back on that idea. First of all, lifestyles are as varied as there are people. All of them have good points and bad. All of them are much more than sex and spouse.

I also think that while lifestyles can be chosen, for the most part, we arrive at them through the circumstances of life. how many of us truly embrace the lifestyle we have? Is that part of the objection the critics have? That LGBT people are actually standing up and living the lifestyle closer to what they want?

But I don't feel I had much choice in the lifestyle I lead other than the choice to be happy and fulfilled or be miserable, depressed, ill-tempered and ruinous to myself and those around me.
So while by rejecting the standard one-size-fits-all lifestyle the critics would force upon us, I had no choice but to embark on my current one.

Is it ideal? No. Is it where I thought I'd be 30 years ago? Nope. Is it honest? Definitely! Am I being true to myself and those around me? Most certainly. Am I at peace with God? At last!!! Is it true to myself? Yeah. Am I happy? Yep.

My lifestyle right now is not really a choice except in the details. The one I embraced for 20 plus years was definitely a choice... and a bad choice at that. It damaged me, my relationships with family & friends, my wife & son, my career and dramatically constrained my relationship with God.

God was trying to reveal his nature to me and I was saying nope, not now. I busy leading the lifestyle that society, religion, family and You expect me to live.

Thoughts at 4am

I couldn't sleep this morning. Something my manager said at lunch today got my mind whirling.

In my previous position where I travelled a lot with co-workers, I was pretty much out. It's hard to spend a week on the road with someone and be unable to talk about what's important to you. The team was very accepting, but I think my boss had issues. In my current position, I have not been explicitly out, though a few people know. But I also don't hide the time I spend with Eugene.

Yesterday at lunch, my manager was discussing the company's several afinity groups including the one for GLBT people. He was moaning about how straight white males are about the only ones without an afinity group. I don't have one, he said then pointed at me and said you don't either.

I was tempted to correct him but there were 5 people at the table so courage escaped me. Another illustration of how coming out is not a one time event but something we face every day of our lives.

When he felt excluded, I did tell him he was invited to attend any group he wants to as a supporter. He mentioned going to the LGBT group - the week he retires.

I also took the opportunity to explain more about the purpose of these groups, that they weren't social clubs. They gave minority employees the opportunity to network and find support. The provide the company with the information it needs to hire and retain minority employees and their allies.

He later dismissed an upcoming diversity seminar he is required to attend as a tedious waste of time.

Yesterday afternoon though, I debated whether to come out to my manager. And about 4am this morning, my mind was working through the process. First I need opportunity which hasn't come about today. I prayed for God to give me time with this very busy man.

Some things I would like to tell him...

He grew up and lives in a society designed perfectly for the white, straight male, especially the Type A personality he is. He never had to look at someone he found attractive and wonder if they were a woman, and 9 times out of 10 realize they weren't.

I also want him to understand that you can't tell by looking at people. You can't even tell with your closest relations - parent, sibling, child or even spouse.

So I hope it will improve his sensitivity, but more importantly I hope to improve my self-esteem and pride in what God has worked VERY VERY hard to help me become.