The Return and Trusting God

For those of you who have found and read my blog, I appreciate you. I wanted to let everyone know that I am still around, still gay, continuing my 7 year long distance relationship to my wonderful guy, still a Christian... but I am no longer employed by the rather large employer who was draining my life from me.

It was a big decision, one that God had been encouraging me to do for several years. One I had resisted even longer. It was very difficult to give up a very well paying job when there was no place to go to. I was not ready, I told myself. I don't have enough saved up. I should find another job first. The reasons for my inertia were countless.

The reasons for leaving were also numerous. Two years working for a woman who was impossible to please (not just me but her entire team had the issue), ever increasing workloads with 55-60 hour weeks for 3 months, taking away people on my team without replacing them, not enabling me to transfer to a different job...

This job was never a good fit for me. I knew this long ago. I was a square peg and they increasingly demanded I fit into their uniformly round holes.

Stress was high, my health was deteriorating and there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Except for the one God kept showing me.

I have written before about the ways, some quite humorous that God communicates with me. This time he used a psychologist, TV commercials, the ex-wife and the very nice emergency staff at the local hospital after I went there with some chest pains.

I tell people that when God's still small voice fails to get my attention, he will eventually resort to a firm virtual slap upside the head. 

But what about the money, the security... and the inertia?

And God said, what about your creativity, your dreams, your stress and your life?  You have enough to get by for awhile. Besides I have other things I need you for.

A close co-worker told me she could tell I hadn't changed jobs much in my life. This job isn't worth it. She was right. Of course, God was right. So I told God, if this is what you want, I trust you will catch me when I let go and jump from my secure nest.

So I turned in my notice and left at the end of 2012. Its been 4 months now and I am returning to the person I used to know. Not returning exactly, liberating the real me. I have wanted to return to this blog but it takes time to heal.

I feel there have been three major traumas in my life, long term chronic traumas that I have finally escaped. The first was being in the closet, the second was being married and the third was the job.

People are telling me how much different I am now, how much more happy and content.

And I am.

Thanks, God for forcing me to trust you.