Why I Describe Myself as a Gay Christian

Dave left a comment asking why I characterized myself as a gay Christian. It's because for most of my life, nearly 40 years, I thought those two things, being gay and being a Christian were mutually exclusive. I know I'm hardly alone in that thought even with the strides society has made.

Growing up a preachers kid in the 70's, I was deeply ingrained with religion and society's stern disapproval of boys who like other boys. There were two drivers in my life - church and being gay. Both were all consuming, and there seemed no way to reconcile them.

I considered myself a Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde type person - the good Christian, married, elder, teacher and church leader in the light of day and a man who had 'improper' lusts for other men in the darkness of my soul. I thought that not only was God unhappy with what I then thought of as 'sinful' thoughts but even more unhappy that I had no desire to repent of them.

I know now I kinda had them reversed, but it took years of soul searching, prayer and faith crisis to reconcile those two halves of my personna and begin to accept myself as a wonderful gay person who managed to savage his Christian faith.

Once I came to terms with who I was, a gay man using deceit and lies to masquerade as someone else, I worked very hard and built up the tremendous courage to come out. I then saw a real need to reach out to other gay people who have suffered from what some call 'Bible abuse' like I had and rather than bothering to retain their faith, rejected it completely and turned away from anything having to do with God.

This blog is one way I try to do that, to show that it is possible, though not easy, to be both a gay man and have a close relationship with God. It is a witness I give to others struggling the way I did that I don't have to hide in the closet from God or the church. That I can be a proud gay man with healthy relationships and have the acceptance and blessings of a loving, nuturing God. And by identifying myself as a gay Chrisitian on this blog, it is a sign for others who are where I have been that I have weathered the storm.

By the way this is not my sole identity or single place to write. It is focused on one aspect of the whole, the part that I wish to share to those who find me here. Which is why you will find little of my personal or work life mentioned here. Not because they are un-important, or that they are inconsistent with what I say here, but simply because you are here for the very reason I have claimed to be a gay Christian. And maybe others can benefit from my sharing the same road.

It is also a call for understanding from those who would condemn, who equate the term gay with sin, debauchery and God's wrathful judgement, and call for horrid alternatives like celibacy, desperate attempts to change what canot be changed or the closet in the name of God.

There was a day in my 30's when God spoke clearly to me perhaps for the first time in my life. He asked, "Why are you ashamed of the wonderful man I have created you to be?" That statement made me come to realize that I was wasting so much energy hiding the real me, pretending to be someone I was not, that I had no energy left to do any of the real work he asked me to do.

So now the oppression of the closet is mostly gone, my self-esteem is growing and my relationship with God and others in my live is honest and happy. One other time I heard God's voice was when God sent his peace to me at 10am, on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving in 2001 and forever drew me from my self-imposed exile in desperation and hopelessness into light and happiness and a renewed spirit.

So just as people who have struggled with and beaten cancer refer to themselves as cancer survivors, I in similar fashion have survived four decades of anguish and trauma to accept myself as a child of God, created proudly by him just as I am so I proudly characterize myself as a gay Christian and hope to provide encouragement to others working through their own reconciliations.

A response to Anonymous comment on the Sexual Sin entry

I wanted to reply to the comment on my Sexual Sin essay on January 26, 2009, from Anonymous no. 2. First, I thank God for sending you to jostle me and the time in my hectic life to write a response.

Anonymous no. 2 started by saying…

I found it most interesting that you used no scripture to back up your claims, but simply your own opinion. It seems to me that God is not working through you, but you are considering yourself to be God. You should not base your assumptions off of other people's opinions, but off of the Bible.

He/she then went on to quote several scriptures. Now one issue I have with people who quote scripture is that for the most part no one is arguing the words that are in the Bible. The discord is in what those words mean to a person. Generally I find scripture quoters presume throwing out scriptures is quite enough to state their / God’s case and change other people’s minds or behavior, assuming the meaning has to be crystal clear.

The soul God gave me doesn’t buy into the whole “God said it, I believe it, that settles it” bumper sticker mentality.

One example of a lack of clarity from my own life was when I told some British co-workers that we would do the conversion at their convenience. When they chuckled I knew we did not share a common interpretation of my words, which were perfectly clear to me. One of them explained that ‘convenience’ in Britain is another word for toilet and they were picturing me doing a computer conversion in their home bathrooms.

The main reason I didn’t quote scriptures is that this is an essay on the sociology of religion, not on scripture. It’s about how people variously interpret scriptures and put their interpretations into practice and how they use that interpretation to judge others. Also I VERY much believe in the power of revelation, which God still speaks to us, not only through the Bible, but more often through those around us whom we interact with (and some of you may remember the fortune cookies LOL). I have studied the Bible since early childhood and am quite familiar with the scriptures Anonymous cites as well as hundreds of others.

Theologians have been trying to understand what the scriptures mean since the earliest writings of Moses and pastors have been struggling to define relevance of words written thousands of years ago to life in modern society. What are healing miracles for 2009? Where did Jesus ascend to since our telescopes can see to the beginnings of our universe?

I also believe without the Holy Spirit of God within our souls to guide and reveal to us, the Bible is so much ink on a page. When you, Anonymous, say I should not concern myself with what others think, am I to assume that you have no use for a pastor interpreting and explaining the Bible? That you do not believe in Bible studies where people discuss what the scriptures mean to them? That personal witness (which is what I claim to be) is worthless for the glory of God? That God has had nothing else to say in the 1800+ years since the Bible was written by men?

So I’m not a big fan of throwing around Bible quotes like rocks at a public stoning. You’ve tossed out several without explaining how you interpret them, as if they are perfectly clear. I also wonder if you have considered how the early Christians fared prior to Paul’s first writings, let alone the Gospels coming along decades later.

For example, since it is a theme of your chosen scriptures, I would ask what your definition of sexual immorality is? I have no doubt it differs from mine, but I suspect it will probably differ from many fellow parishioners. There are numerous Biblical incidents I consider sexually immoral that God seemed to bless or ignore such as Solomon’s 900 wives and Abraham having sex with his concubine to name two. And for the literalists who believe in Adam and Eve, God certainly had to bless a lot of incest to get the human race off the ground.

In reference to 1 Corinthians 6:18, as a male who struggles with his weight, it seems that my eating/exercise habits have far more impact inside my body than anything sexual I have done. I can also guarantee I have never looked at a woman lustfully so we can dismiss Matthew 5:28. Regarding Hebrews 13:4, I never committed adultery with my wife during 20 years of marriage. I have and continue to honor the marriage vows I made to the best of my ability, far, far beyond what is required by any judge or law. Good Christian people have called me a fool for continuing to love, honor and cherish her both financially and emotionally.

As for Romans 1:26-27, you are obviously quoting relatively modern translations as the Bible didn’t put it that way prior to the 1940s. As for Romans 13:13, I am quite in the open about as much of my behavior I feel is proper, certainly as much as the average person. While like most I certainly won’t have sex in public, I will unabashedly give my partner a hug or kiss as well as hold his hand in public.

And if you consider me to lack humility, I suggest you read more of my posts. If I still come across as someone lacking humility who doesn’t defer to God (though not necessarily the Bible), let me know. And speaking of humility, you obviously don’t understand what homosexuality is all about and I recommend getting to really know us and truly learn to love us before you condemn us to hell. Do you really believe it is sinful lust that drives me into the arms of another man? That it’s simply a matter of choosing to live as a heterosexual (been there, done that, didn’t work)? Or simply to deny ourselves the very necessary human intimacy that is essential for our mental and emotional well-being?

The part of your writing that offends me most, though, is when you say I consider myself God. Boy that would sure make my life easier and eliminate the need for me to bother writing this. I have many friends who have turned their backs on God because there was no tolerance for them in their church. Part of the work I am called by God to do is to reach out to those hurt by their church and offer hope and a vision of God as loving and worthy to be worshipped. It is extremely difficult akin to helping a badly wounded animal. They hear words from people like you, Anonymous, and there is nothing but loneliness and despair in them. Do you have any idea how hurtful this is? Is there a bit of compassion in your heart?

I assure you, Anonymous, that simply because I interpret scripture different, that my understanding of God is different, that I am open to discuss my doubts and my faith struggle, I have never claimed to usurp God. I have never claimed to know God’s will other than what he has revealed to me about my own life. That I challenge those certainties others have about what God does or does not actually ‘hate’ does not make me God.

By the way I do have scriptures to back up my beliefs. From the following foremost scripture comes my reconciliation with God who created me just the way I am as his gay son and with others in this world who I have to have the courage to live with. It drives my faith journey, my understanding of God worthy to be loved, my thoughts, my actions, my writing, my life, my compassion and my love. Upon it do I weigh and measure everything written, spoken or revealed.

Luke 12:30-31

30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'[f] 31The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'[g]There is no commandment greater than these."

Ponderings

From childhood I have studied religion and not just Christianity. To various degrees I have studied the various protestant denominations (fundamentalism to progressive), Catholicism, Mormonism, Buddhism, Islam, Judaism and others including a bit of Zoroastrianism (the first monotheistic religion). I am admittedly an amateur on theology, but I don't think you need to be a theologian or pastor, elder, priest, shaman, etc. to work out ones faith. I try to share some of my insights as well as questions here.

Today I have a few random observations and rhetorical questions based on various faiths' claims. These are intended to provoke thoughts, not necessarily an argument. Explanations are welcome as I am very interested in how people rationalize these apparent inconsistencies.

1) If, as some evangelicals claim, God is willing to send disasters to punish society (the good with the bad) to convince the non-believers of his divine will, why does he seem to be unwilling to take much less drastic, more personal action? Perhaps blowing down just the sinner's houses?

2) God punishing the masses for the sins of the few makes him seem capricious, extremely sadistic as well as vengeful. This doesn't coincide with the message of grace and forgiveness I am udes to.

3) There seems an underlying theme from many televangelists... For the faithful, good fortune is God's blessing and bad fortune is a trial. For the unfaithful, good fortune is God showing grace even to the wicked and bad fortune in punishment.

4) If God is going to eventually dispense divine judgement and retribution, why should we as humans waste energy being punitive to those God has already damned?

5) Biblical inerrancy requires an amazing amout of intervention by God. Just as literal creationism requires an inconceivable amount of detail work (such as not just creating the stars but creating lightwaves from those distant stars moving through space on a path to our eyes). Yet we are to believe that this micromanagement God really doesn't care that much about us as individuals even though the Bible says he does.

I've read some of the Koran lately, randomly picking several dozen passages and a couple of observations came to me.

1) The Jews are really reviled in the Koran. But I can't figure out is they are mad at Jews for not following Mohammed or for not sharing God in the first place.

2) Based on my random sampling, I didn't have to read very far each and every passage before there was a reference to hell or judgement.

So here are but a few of the ponderments that go though my mind at times. Again, if someone can explain any of these in a logical way, I welcome the dialog.

Some Thoughts Around Abortion

Dangerous topic - abortion. First off, I realize that as a male, my opinion is of secondary importance. Second, I am pro-choice in that it's not the government's responsibility to dictate reproductive decisions for anyone.

I also do not support legislation based on religion or morality. I do not accept that an embryo is a person nor is a non-viable fetus. Other than that I don't know, but defer to the people actually involved in the pregnancy.

I prefer we not have abortions, but choose not to criminalize what is already a tough decision. I think the best way to minimize abortions is through truthful sex education, strong promotion of contraceptives including the "morning after" pill and a supportive, non-judgemental attitude toward all women. Stygmatizing women through guilt and fear essentially instills only guilt, rarely motivation.

And where are all the anti-abortionists when it comes to paying for pre-natal care and welcoming and supporting the new mother and child into the community with celebration and open arms. No, it seems to be heaps of scorn no matter what decisions a woman makes.

How do they rationalize that all good things are from God and all bad things are brought upon by the individual? What kind of weak, vengeful, arbitrary monster is the god they portray?

While I do believe from personal experience that God (the nuturing one I believe in) can involve himself in the creation or lack of creation of children (I just have to look at the contortions of coincidence that brought my son into the world), I refuse to leave it totally in his hands. Neither do I let him completely control my car.

I find it frustrating in that many abortion opponents are anti-contraception, against teaching kids the facts about sex in schools, are anti-women's rights, and want to label girls as pure or whores. Many refuse to acknowledge that sex outside of marriage not only exists but can be a blessed thing.

I wondered what would happen if they did manage to reverse Roe v Wade - if they were able to turn back the clock to a time where abortions in many places were illegal. Of course the wealthy would still get safe abortions like they always have. The Republicans would lose a plank in their platform that has produced votes for them. The poor would create larger populations of poverty and die more often.

But I'm sure that's "acceptible" as due punishment for their sins. Society as a whole has to put up with more crime and poverty.

I think more about the children born to mothers who do not want them, to live without a loving and nuturing parent. I think about the women who struggle as they might, cannot support their families, I think of the women put to death by the law whether through unlicensed practitioners or the inaction of doctors to sacrifice a fetus to save a mother. What a cruel insensitive world that would be.

Perhaps their god who cannot stop a woman from having an abortion will bring down a hurricane on everyone for our unwillingness to usurp women's right to make their own decisions. And while he's at it, maybe send another one to North Korean.

National Dialog

We must change our national dialog from saying "you must, should, will" to saying "I think, believe, hope."

Where I Am Today

It's been a long time since I published anything here. Mainly life has been fairly hectic for the past six months. Work has been especially busy, but is finally giving me personal time back. My relationship with Eugene is still good - 3 1/2 years. While it is still long distance and may never change, it's what I need at this time. We did get to spend a week vacation together and enjoy some romantic time.

But while I haven't written, I have done a lot of thinking. American society is going through massive changes, the pace of which is increasing. Sadly the ability to discourse is falling. I had hoped that Obama's administration might usher in more pragmatism, but wasn't expecting the "just say no" position the opposition is taking.

The refusal to change anything is what has lead to economic meltdown and the healthcare crisis. To desire to maintain the status quo is no fix. I see tea-baggers protesting (what exactly many are not sure). I read about the rise in extremist groups in the U.S. I hear about disturbing trends in the rollback of female rights at the state level. And of course I cringe at the desire of so many to deny basic rights to gay people - that rights are something given by popular vote. I worry about the massive ongoing transfer of wealth from the middle and lower incomes of society into the small group of wealthy elitists. I am troubled by the near panicked efforts to maintain tradional sexual models - men are in charge and powerful or wimps / women are virgins, married or whores.

When I try to step back and look wholistically it just seems that so many people want to turn back the clock. Perhaps it is a longing for a simpler time, a time they felt more secure. But I don't really think it was all that simple, but merely a time when the things that scare them were hidden.

Now I'm not threatened by a difference of opinion or belief. What disturbs me is the rabid way some groups demand people conform to their narrowly defined lifestyle. When laws are being passed to purposely marginalize certain groups of people, I am outraged. When people tell blatant lies to sway public opinion, I am incensed. When people cannot respect a difference of opinion, I feel less secure about the direction and standing of our society. When people use fear to manipulate others, I find it offensive.

We all have to live our lives the best we can. More people than anyone knows do not fit the stereotyped American lifestyle with a man and a woman, married with 2.5 children living in a nice suburban neighborhood with a good job and going to church on Sunday. It takes so much courage and stamina to pull out of that strong orbit we are raised by society to find attractive. But everyone who manages it weakens the bonds that bind the rest.

I am trying to change my corner of the world, though. I try to speak up when I see injustice. I ask for facts when I hear knee-jerk solutions. I try to be who I am and stand up for my values. I do not tell people how to live their lives, but I do want to challenge everyone, myself included, to think about why they believe what they do, why they act like they do. And most of all, I wish everyone would practice understanding and compassion.

Sexual Sin

One of the biggest hangups for the church for the past 2000 years has been sex. Even secular society's ideas about sex have been permanently defined by religious history. We have so screwed up our thought processes that we cannot rationally discuss the subject within the church and with our own children.

Yet it is a basic biological function while at the same time being a gift from God, perhaps one of his greatest gifts. Yet it comes with much confusion, complexity and manipulation.

First, I don't have all the answers; I probably even have more questions than most.

Second, I don't believe there is as simple a definition for sexual sin (or any sin for that matter) as many profess. Even Bible literalists don't always agree. Some say sex is only available for those who are married while some add the requirement that it must be for procreation and others even would remove any enjoyment of the act from the realm of holy sex.

Somewhere deep in our collective psyche we even have this concept that all sex is bad, a tool of the devil and only barely acceptable when used for procreation. We are not even allowed to lust in our minds. Some believe that children are born from a particularly offensive sinful act for which immediate baptism is the only antidote. Jesus and Paul advocated complete celibacy as a pathway to the ultimate relationship with God, though acknowledging that it's hardly appropriate for everyone.

On the other hand, we have people who believe that pre-marital sex is ok, that extra-marital sex is ok, that same sex activity is ok and that multiple partners is ok. There are many ideas as to what level of sexual activity God condones and many will tell us the others are wrong and condemned.

When it comes to gays, conservatives have built a wonderful catch-22. Sex is not permitted outside of marriage. Gays are not allowed to marry. Therefore if you want to experience this wonderful gift of God's you have to conform to their idea of what is proper. Just be celibate because while God loves you, he abhors that you might find some joy and companionship in your life. Nice.

There seems to be this redefining of Jesus's words that a man shall leave his parents and marry a woman as an 11th commandment. The word is shall, not must.

There are several important foundational concepts that form each of our particular beliefs. Obviously being gay affects my ideas, which offends more people than pre-marital sex it seems. I don't recall the Supreme court ever having to legalize pre-marital sex.

The first foundational idea is that sexuality is a great gift from God. It is one of his primary means of bringing couples together to begin with and of deepening their love and sense of one-ness. One writer described it as nothing less than a foretaste of our union with God in the hereafter.

Sexuality is in my opinion one of the best gifts we have been given. Unlike most animals, sex for humans is not restricted to fertility periods, is most enjoyable, can be misused, can bring us into closer communion with one we love or be the source of much mental anguish.

One almost has to wonder why God gave us such a complex and hugely powerful gift with only the barest of guide on how to use it. It's understandable why people have put so many restrictions on it. We have more social constraints of sex than we any society has ever placed on guns. Yet the most intimate of acts can be harmful, even deadly.

God didn't give us jealousy, STDs and sexual violence to punish us for having sex. He gave us sex knowing the dangers because what we learn from it can far outweigh it's dangers. Just like we don't consider death in an accident a punishment for our children carelessly driving the car we gave them.

Through their restrictive ideas about this one complex gift, many churches have alienated countless numbers of people. More so, these conservative attitudes have created a mystique that is abused by our society to sell products and entertainments. Sex sells.

With a zero tolerance attitude toward sex, dialog is closed. Members of churches are excommunicated. Gossip reigns. People are left with nothing to guide them. They are written off and told it is God's will.

The second foundational element that pertains is one's concept of sin. As I've said before, the definition given to me is that sin is anything in our lives that separates us from God. It's a fairly simple concept really. What aspects of our lives do we proudly show to God? Which ones would we prefer to hide? For it is in the hiding that we miss out on God's grace and love.

Sin is an extremely personal thing and there are really few one-size-fits-all sins. Thou shalt not kill has many meanings. For the conscientious objector, for the soldier, for me. Is stealing wrong if you are feeding your family? Is lying wrong if we build up someone's self-confidence? God even blessed Abraham's adultery and forgave David's.

For my father, alcohol is a sin, yet that is not a standard he implies all should live by. Even my mother is exempt from his standard for himself. For some religions, dancing, movies, even the showing of a female ankle are sins.

Rather than worry about some list where we are measured and require others to live up to, we should worry about the things that obsess us more than God. It's a form of idolatry. And in today's modern society there are many and hidden ways to have god's before God. For some it is wealth, other's power. Some even put the Bible before God worshipping it above all else. And for some, there definitely is the idol of sex, either in their obsession with getting it, their tearing down of those they feel are living in sin or their obsession with denying sex to others.

Now I'll tell you my ideas on sex and sin today, the 26th of January in 2009. Obviously I don't think gay people having sex is inherently sinful. I also don't belief that sex in a marriage for procreation is automatically sinless.

Yes, it's relativism. I freely admit it. And anyone who says they aren't relativistic is deluding themselves. Read the Bible objectively and none of us comes out unscathed. There's not one Christian who doesn't rationalize something that doesn't fit their life. And we are so good at not seeing it that we assume the relativism doesn't exist. We keep so busy pointing out other people's violations that we fail to see our own.

Be still and know. Listen to that still small voice. God doesn't need to boom from a pulpit. God didn't even need to write a book. We humans needed that because we are so poor at listening to the quiet voice.

So back to sex. What is my standard? Where do I draw the line? I think sex should be in the context of a loving relationship. It should be an act of love. It should be something we can lift up to God and celebrate with him. And to me love is what lifts up both people. Sex that demeans another, sex that is selfish - for me that's where sin lies.

Yes it a standard that fits my life. And I, like others use it as a yardstick to judge others which is wrong.

All I can say is it is the yardstick that God and I have come to terms with just as valid as celibacy is for the devoted priest. Hardly universal, though I think it's a good one in today's world.

Have I violated my yardstick. Yes. And not necessarily in the ways you might think. I was physically faithful to my wife during our marriage and even during our separation. Yet that yardstick imposed by others was violated by the lust in my heart. But God kept me safe by making sure I was in a relationship where I was deeply loved until I could learn to love myself. I seriously doubt I would be here today if he hadn't watched out for me. I did not love myself in my youth and that is the most dangerous place to be, especially with the power of my sexual awakening. I know I would have looked for love in all the wrong places as many do.

So sex to me is an aspect of love, the ultimate sharing between two people. But it's not just the love of and for another than makes sex a holy thing. It requires a healthy love of myself.

A Commentary on Comments

I've received several comments recently and I appreciate them. I'm glad my thoughts and my witness is reaching others even when they don't agree.

I'm not sure what Internet magic causes many posts to hit the poem I wrote 3 years ago. I'd like to think it has some emotional impact. But it could be the randomness of the 1's and 0's floating around on servers. Or could it be something more divine?

God and I have what I consider an unconventional relationship. He is the big brother I longed to have, the mentor I lacked, the most dear friend I needed, even the loving parent to fill in the gaps from my family.

He knows my quirky humor and willingness to consider radical ideas. He knows I find him in so many ways. I think he is amused hiding messages around my life and delights in my joy at finding them whether they be in a fortune cookie, a quiet forest, a book I chanced upon or a comment from out of the blue.

Before I met my boyfriend, I asked God to bring me someone exactly like him (I am amazed at how closely he matches the description I gave to God). I also experienced back then a time of desperation also around when I wrote that poem. I wasn't meeting anyone I was interested in romantically. I was extremely anxious.

Suddenly for about 6 weeks I began receiving countless messages about patience. They came in sermons, and scripture but more importantly for me, they came in fortune cookies and other unconventional sources. I know those unconventional words were from God not only because it was what I needed at the time and it was blatantly obvious, but also because I have never received another fortune cookie about patience since that episode 3 years ago.

Six months later, Eugene came into my life and we have been together for nearly 3 years.

But to return to the topic of post comments. I received one recently (I hope the person learns that ALL CAPS ONLINE MEANS SHOUTING) that, along with others, has brought me back to concepts of sin.

First, this commenter was like a former co-worker. That co-worker wanted to compare being gay with being an alcoholic - something that someone is predisposed to - and I finally had to tell him point-blank not to go there. The only thing you can compare homosexuality to is heterosexuality.

This later commenter compared being gay to stealing. Well, obviously this person, like my coworker, has no concept of what being gay is really all about. Being gay is a core element of my soul. It is not an aspect of me, it is the basic foundation of who I am, just as being a male is. Thinking of merely being gay as wrong is like thinking that being male is inherently wrong. People don't choose it, they discover it, then they hopefully accept it.

Some say that homosexual behavior is what is sinful and that we should abhor it. I obviously don't believe that, but I'll leave that to another entry I plan to soon write.

As another commenter aptly stated, "I was knit perfect in the womb for the purpose He wants for me." That is indeed truth and is something that I have learned so well. A Christian friend once told me it's good to carry one's cross, just make sure it's really your cross.

Some eight years ago I did discover the cross I was bravely bearing was not mine at all but one society, family and church had subtly given me. So I dropped it and picked up the one God intended for me and knew I was finally ready to carry. I learned what was meant by "My yoke is easy and my burden is light." It's much easier to bear the cross God gave me, the honest open life proud of God's work, than the one-size-fits-all version society wants to give me. I learned that if it feels like an unreasonable burden, we need to make sure it's really from God.

And they still want to give me that phony cross. They want me to live my life by their definition of what sin is, of what God wants, of what convoluted lifestyle meets their interpretation of the Bible and of their interpretation of God's judgement.

Well, I've been there and done that and almost died spiritually and physically from their burden. God doesn't ask us to do more than we can handle. But fellow Christians will gladly heap burdens upon us far beyond what God asks. They will live with their cozy family, make love to their spouse, share the toils and intimacy of marriage and the security of knowing that someone will care for them and pick them up when they fall. They will proclaim how indispensable their spouse is and without qualm deny me and other gays of the same necessities of life.

So for those trying to convince me that gay sexuality is universally sinful, save your breath. I have it from a higher authority which has guided me through the valley of death, that closeted existence where my soul was lost while my body performed the sacraments.

Yes, I was once considered an exemplary model of upstanding Christian. Now some of the same people condemn me to damnation. But I know and God knows where my soul really was and is. I learned the painful lesson that the rules of humans are not the rules of God. He asks us to be different, and not just different from the worldly person, but different from the Pharisees and Sadducee's of our day.

God has held my hand my entire life. He has sheltered me and given me patience. He has given me courage and strength and endurance. And he has given me a beautiful companion with whom I can share the intimacy and oneness that many would deny me.

For those who disagree with me, I pray for the vision and the enlightenment that God may reveal. For those that find solace here, I pray for the courage, peace, generosity and love God has given to me. May all find comfort in his loving embrace.

Bishop Gene Robinson's Inauguration Prayer

O God of our many understandings, we pray that you will…

Bless us with tears – for a world in which over a billion people exist on less than a dollar a day, where young women from many lands are beaten and raped for wanting an education, and thousands die daily from malnutrition, malaria, and AIDS.

Bless us with anger – at discrimination, at home and abroad, against refugees and immigrants, women, people of color, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people.

Bless us with discomfort – at the easy, simplistic "answers" we've preferred to hear from our politicians, instead of the truth, about ourselves and the world, which we need to face if we are going to rise to the challenges of the future.

Bless us with patience – and the knowledge that none of what ails us will be "fixed" anytime soon, and the understanding that our new president is a human being, not a messiah.

Bless us with humility – open to understanding that our own needs must always be balanced with those of the world.

Bless us with freedom from mere tolerance – replacing it with a genuine respect and warm embrace of our differences, and an understanding that in our diversity, we are stronger.

Bless us with compassion and generosity – remembering that every religion's God judges us by the way we care for the most vulnerable in the human community, whether across town or across the world.

And God, we give you thanks for your child Barack, as he assumes the office of President of the United States.

Give him wisdom beyond his years, and inspire him with Lincoln's reconciling leadership style, President Kennedy's ability to enlist our best efforts, and Dr. King’s dream of a nation for ALL the people.

Give him a quiet heart, for our Ship of State needs a steady, calm captain in these times.

Give him stirring words, for we will need to be inspired and motivated to make the personal and common sacrifices necessary to facing the challenges ahead.

Make him color-blind, reminding him of his own words that under his leadership, there will be neither red nor blue states, but the United States.

Help him remember his own oppression as a minority, drawing on that experience of discrimination, that he might seek to change the lives of those who are still its victims.

Give him the strength to find family time and privacy, and help him remember that even though he is president, a father only gets one shot at his daughters’ childhoods.

And please, God, keep him safe. We know we ask too much of our presidents, and we’re asking FAR too much of this one. We know the risk he and his wife are taking for all of us, and we implore you, O good and great God, to keep him safe. Hold him in the palm of your hand – that he might do the work we have called him to do, that he might find joy in this impossible calling, and that in the end, he might lead us as a nation to a place of integrity, prosperity and peace.

AMEN.