Being a Gay Christian

Here are my struggles to reconcile my religion & sexual orientation. I used to think that being a Christian and being gay were mutually exclusive. God revealed to me that I am his child, created Just As I Am. God’s awesome gift comes with challenges, yet opportunities to share the good news to many who have rejected religion. Or who have suppressed their sexuality to keep their religion. I welcome this ministry and the unbelievable strength he gives me to do it.


I'm gay and while that does tell you which gender I want to fall in love with, it tells you nothing about my lifestyle. As you read you'll learn about that.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Marching Band vs Still Small Voice

The marching band has kept me away from here. It may again in the future. Even long after it passed, the cymbals crash in the ears, the trumpets echo and the flutes pierce through. Even when I tried to return to my own voice, all that came out was crap, a cacophony of the marching band now without even a tune to make it coherent.

What I'm saying is that the noise keeps us from focusing on that still small voice whispering in our ear and until we can shut out the sounds of life, we can't even begin to hear what God is saying to us.

Late in life I found that I have a severe case of ADD, predominantly inattentive type. Its the type common to dogs whose focus can change in a moment by the sighting of a squirrel. Unlike the hyperactive type, mine doesn't even contain the energy that would at least keep me moving. I've coped reasonably well most of my life, but then the noise begins and I become a ship on the stormy waters.

I find writing to be rewarding, but distractions abound. Even when I intentionally find the quiet, I am often distracted by something.

Temptation? Lack of discipline? The chemical imbalances in my brain? The delta state brain waves that persist in my waking life?

Or is it something more insidious?

I've never quite come to terms about the literal existence of the devil and his demons. Sometimes their existence seems obvious. Sometimes I feel its just an easy excuse to rationalize bad behavior.

I could easily say the devil is putting temptations in my way to distract me from my writing, from my taking care of my physical self, from socializing with friends and relatives, even from cleaning house and doing laundry. But then I wonder shouldn't God be enabling me to resist better than I do?

Maybe I just am not praying sufficiently. Except I don't think God is as hard of hearing as we humans are. I believe God knows my heart better than I and hears even the smallest thought I send to him.

I know I need the marching band sometimes, perhaps especially now when I'm still recovering from the abusive trauma from work. But I think I should be doing something more productive once it passes rather than waiting in anticipation for the next parade coming down the street.


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