Personal Struggle
I typically do not write about my personal life here. But I need to write this in a place where no one personally knows me. I'm not really looking for advice, I just need a venue to download this from my soul. Prayers are welcome.
My boyfriend Eugene is a wonderful African American man whom I love dearly and thank God constantly for bring into my life. we are coming up on our two year anniversay of having met and falling instantly in love with each other. We have a long distance relationship with 250 miles separating us. As such we only see each other a few days a month. Fortunately in today's world of the internet and cell phones we are in communication almost daily.
Eugene is a happy good natured man. He, like all of us, has personal problems to deal with. Eugene's biggest problem is that he is an alcoholic. I pray constantly for his wellbeing, good judgement and the safety of those around him. He says he is safe, but I know there are times he underestimates the effects the alcohol has on him.
There are underlying reasons for his addiction which I only partly understand. The distance means I can have little direct effect on his actions. But I worry and pray.
Last week Eugene was fired from a good job because after a night of drinking, he was still legally over the limit after 6 hours of sleep. I can't imagine what his BAC was the night before. Thankfully he was home at the peak.
Now I try to be there for him as much as I can. He is being stoic about it, but I am concerned that he has not accepted ownership of this. Fortunately he has 'family' that he lives with so he can weather the lack of income. This same 'family' prevents him from being able to come live with me.
Also, I am not sure I am prepared to live with someone else, even someone I love so dearly. I was in a very co-dependent marriage and have spent the last 6 years building myself. So him moving to my home is not a likely prospect.
I feel a need to write this because of the turmoil I feel and perhaps moreso because of the helplessness. I also struggle to see God's plan here, though I welcome my part and try to be patient as it is revealed. I am not angry at Eugene, but in pain to see him suffer. I am frustrated that there are no second chances for him.
Fortunately we will be together this weekend and I long to hold him in my arms and provide what confort, strength and resolve I can.
My boyfriend Eugene is a wonderful African American man whom I love dearly and thank God constantly for bring into my life. we are coming up on our two year anniversay of having met and falling instantly in love with each other. We have a long distance relationship with 250 miles separating us. As such we only see each other a few days a month. Fortunately in today's world of the internet and cell phones we are in communication almost daily.
Eugene is a happy good natured man. He, like all of us, has personal problems to deal with. Eugene's biggest problem is that he is an alcoholic. I pray constantly for his wellbeing, good judgement and the safety of those around him. He says he is safe, but I know there are times he underestimates the effects the alcohol has on him.
There are underlying reasons for his addiction which I only partly understand. The distance means I can have little direct effect on his actions. But I worry and pray.
Last week Eugene was fired from a good job because after a night of drinking, he was still legally over the limit after 6 hours of sleep. I can't imagine what his BAC was the night before. Thankfully he was home at the peak.
Now I try to be there for him as much as I can. He is being stoic about it, but I am concerned that he has not accepted ownership of this. Fortunately he has 'family' that he lives with so he can weather the lack of income. This same 'family' prevents him from being able to come live with me.
Also, I am not sure I am prepared to live with someone else, even someone I love so dearly. I was in a very co-dependent marriage and have spent the last 6 years building myself. So him moving to my home is not a likely prospect.
I feel a need to write this because of the turmoil I feel and perhaps moreso because of the helplessness. I also struggle to see God's plan here, though I welcome my part and try to be patient as it is revealed. I am not angry at Eugene, but in pain to see him suffer. I am frustrated that there are no second chances for him.
Fortunately we will be together this weekend and I long to hold him in my arms and provide what confort, strength and resolve I can.
posted by Scott | 7:51 AM
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