Christmas Experience
In regard to BentonQuest's comment that some people have the philosophy that "you must change so I feel better," reminded me of my recent Christmas experience. My boyfriend Eugene lives 250 miles away. We made plans for him to come to my home for Christmas. I told my Mom and my son that he would be there for the the family celebration and they were fine with it.
I figured my mom, whose picture of holidays came from Norman Rockwell, would be the first to hem and haw. After all I don't recall a Rockwell painting that showed a Thanksgiving scene with a gay couple, a lesbian couple and especially a gay black man at the table. I think he missed a great opportunity. My mom's only concern was squeezing another person around the table.
Then I received a call from my sister stating that if Eugene was there, then her husband would not come because he would feel "uncomfortable." I decided to stand my ground and worry about my happiness instead of trying to make my brother-in-law happy. Decades of trying to make other people happy through maginalizing my wishes really made no one happy.
I told my sister that I was sorry her husband felt that way, but Eugene would be there. I also told her that every day I have to face situations that make me uncomfortable. I stopped short of suggesting he grow up, act mature and deal with reality.
Christmas Day arrived and my brother-in-law was there looking quite uncomfortable. But by the end of the day, he was playing pool and cards with Eugene. So I guess his discomfort went away as he got to know my boyfriend.
I felt very happy at standing up for myself and for the guy who means so much to me. It's not anyone's job to make people comfortable. I like the saying that God comforts the oppressed and oppresses the comfortable. I figure that being open about my relationship with Eugene is following the path God has laid before me.
It wasn't easy but it was surprising the strength of spirit I was given without the tiniest feeling of guilt.
I figured my mom, whose picture of holidays came from Norman Rockwell, would be the first to hem and haw. After all I don't recall a Rockwell painting that showed a Thanksgiving scene with a gay couple, a lesbian couple and especially a gay black man at the table. I think he missed a great opportunity. My mom's only concern was squeezing another person around the table.
Then I received a call from my sister stating that if Eugene was there, then her husband would not come because he would feel "uncomfortable." I decided to stand my ground and worry about my happiness instead of trying to make my brother-in-law happy. Decades of trying to make other people happy through maginalizing my wishes really made no one happy.
I told my sister that I was sorry her husband felt that way, but Eugene would be there. I also told her that every day I have to face situations that make me uncomfortable. I stopped short of suggesting he grow up, act mature and deal with reality.
Christmas Day arrived and my brother-in-law was there looking quite uncomfortable. But by the end of the day, he was playing pool and cards with Eugene. So I guess his discomfort went away as he got to know my boyfriend.
I felt very happy at standing up for myself and for the guy who means so much to me. It's not anyone's job to make people comfortable. I like the saying that God comforts the oppressed and oppresses the comfortable. I figure that being open about my relationship with Eugene is following the path God has laid before me.
It wasn't easy but it was surprising the strength of spirit I was given without the tiniest feeling of guilt.
posted by Scott | 10:05 AM
3 Comments:
Good for you, Scott! I would have found that very difficult. But, you know, the only way people can become comfortable with our "lifestyle" by actually getting to know it and be around it.
I just discovered your blog, having started a blog myself this week. We appear to have much in common in our experience and perspective. I hope to check back with you often. My blog is http://www.2truenot2b.blogspot.com.
Like Eliot, I have just come across your blog.
Thank you for some refreshing and thoughtful writing.
(Makes me wish I had not erased 3 years of my own blogging . . .)
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