Being a Gay Christian

Here are my struggles to reconcile my religion & sexual orientation. I used to think that being a Christian and being gay were mutually exclusive. God revealed to me that I am his child, created Just As I Am. God’s awesome gift comes with challenges, yet opportunities to share the good news to many who have rejected religion. Or who have suppressed their sexuality to keep their religion. I welcome this ministry and the unbelievable strength he gives me to do it.

Name:

I'm gay and while that does tell you which gender I want to fall in love with, it tells you nothing about my lifestyle. As you read you'll learn about that.

Friday, December 23, 2005

A Poem - Save Me From Heaven, Lord

Yes, I’m a bit depressed. I’ve been surfing the gay news media again – that’s never good. Which led me to the AFA (BTW thanks to Ford for finally rejecting the manipulative AFA bigots). This is poetry not necessarily all experience folks.

So here’s the message I am hearing.

God hates me.
I am a pervert
A deviant
Queer
Fag – said with spit.
I am unnatural – violating the laws of nature.

But Jesus can fix me.
Yet he hasn’t.
Despite my prayers & faith.

We can make you straight,
they say.
Embrace celibacy
Find women sexy.
Or at least pretend to.
Perhaps they can make me like beets as well.
And plaid pants.

I can be like them.
They promise with Kum-ba-ya
Even if I despise them.
Can’t I see how God has blessed them.
It’s enough if I just act like them.
Blessed saint of conformity.

My parents don’t understand.
I do not fit their plan for their life.
Their plan for MY life
Do not play the part they assumed I would.

People tell me all I have to do is choose.
They who made no choice.
I am belittled.
Mocked
By these experts about my life.
They seem to know better than I what it's about.
When did I choose – I don’t remember?
Do they think that because I chose the red toy truck
I damned my soul for eternity?

It’s so clear to them who speak with the voice of authority.
They know me so well – better than I must know myself.
I must be a vile creature.
Unfit to interact
Unfit to parent
My gayness may rub off.
Unfit to teach or preach or lead or fight.
Unfit to love.

Imprisoning me is justified.
Killing me is justified.
Tying me to a Wyoming fence post
As a sign to others.
Dismembering me and tossing me in the river
Is understandable
Merely because I think you are a nice handsome man
and ask you on a date.

I mock their weddings,
they shriek
With my desire to express my love.
They frown at my joy
and disapprove that I dare hold my lover’s hand.
They deny me ways to express my love,
to share my life.
They deny me the right to ease my partner's pain
And care for him.
To raise our children.
To decide on his behalf.
All in the name
Of what is just and right.

I will destroy what marriage is all about.
Do they mean the male domination of women?
I look for role models.
People to show me the way
Not Exodus
But freedom and love.
How can I love myself if I am so unlovable?
How can I live with such a vile person as myself?
I’m clearly going to hell.
Everyone tells me.
Often.
And loudly.

Yet can hell be worse than the eternal damnation of life?
Can hell be worse than scanning the dark shadows of the street
Wary of good Christian men.
Heaven as portrayed to me looks like hell to me.

Since the dawn of time.
God has hated me.
So the Bible says.
As a child I was told that Jesus loves me.
Now I hear in the bullhorn that
God hates fags.
AIDS is God’s curse, they say.
I bring AIDS to the innocents they say.
I am not a victim – I volunteered they say.
Even though he waited thousands of years to inflict this so called curse.
Perhaps Hitler was God’s curse too.
For killing countless gays.

At least
drugs
alcohol
sex
food
priesthood
masochism
violence.
masks the pain.

Come sweet damnation and eternal oblivion.
Save me Lord, from those who would save my soul.

44 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My dear friend,
I want to first of tell you that I love you even without knowing you. Most people who say they are christians are actually not Christians.
A Christian is a follower of Christ. That means someone who resembles Christ.
Jesus came here so that mankind may not get to hell. He came to save all of us from our sins. If anyone will repent from ALL their sins and invite Jesus in thier hearts as Lord and Savior, not only homosexuality He will save them.
A real Christians actually loves gay people and all those who donot have Jesus.
I love you and I am saying Jesus loves you too. You have the wrong conception of Christianity, because fake Christians who are actually people who think they know Christ but donot.
Jesus came to seek and save those who are lost, not judge them and condemn them.
NB

9:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

your gay deal with it

11:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's "you're", not "you'r", Billy.

6:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's "you're", not "your" or "you'r". You must be as dumb as Billy.

8:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

people are mean like that but ignore them. if god is anything like i imagine him to be, then he loves everyone 4 who they are.

3:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't pay attention to them. If God is as loving as everyone says He is, you will go to heaven, and those that show such hatred towards you for who you are will go to hell.

1:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't worry...most people cannot think anyway. God does love you for God is love. Read 1st John. Don't pay attention to haters.(Matt 7:1-2) God bless you (I really mean it) May you be able to find peace.

4:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

PLEASE I PRAY DON'T BE BLIND. CHRIST LOVES US SO VERY MUCH BUT, HE WANTS US TO FOLLOW HIS WILL. AGAIN IT IS TRUE GOD LOVES US. BUT THE QUESTION IS SHOULD I STAY LIVING IN SIN? I LIKE TO STEAL BUT GOD CLEARLY SAYS DO NOT STEAL.ALL I HEAR FROM CHRISTIAN PEOPLE IS DO NOT STEAL. BUT I SAY TO THEM GOD HAS MADE ME THIS WAY! SO WHAT DO I DO, KEEP STEALING? SHOULD I GO TO A CHRISTIAN CHURCH THAT WORSHIPS GOD AND STEALS? NO THAT IS JUST SILLY, I NEED TO LINE MY LIFE UP WITH GODS TRUTH. GOD DECLARES WHAT IS RIGHT AND WRONG AND HE DOESN'T ASK ME WHAT I THINK ABOUT IT. SEX, DRUGS, STEALING, IF IT IS SIN IT IS SIN. GOD LOVES US BUT, NOT THE THINGS WE DO THAT ARE CLEARLY OUT OF HIS WILL.

3:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I stumbled on this because I am struggling with what it means to be gay and a Christian too. I found this site http://www.gaychristian.net/video/answers.php very helpful. It affirms being gay is not a choice, but examines both sides of the fence about whether it is ok for a gay Christian to be in a relationship or if they should remain celibate. Both make pretty good arguments. I just found it encouraging to see how many people struggle with this.

8:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My friend, do not allow PEOPLE to tear you from God. I had to learn that the hard way! You are correct in observing that they have absolutley NO idea what they are talking about. They need to thoroughly have faith in God that He knows what is right and "good" for you and not just run with the little truth they have about Jesus that God will just "fix" you. You are not broken!! Do you understand that? You are NOT broken! Remember that God said that you were knitt PERFECT in the womb for the purpose He wants for you. Jesus came to die for ALL the sins of those who want it: NEWSFLASH!! That's gay people too!! Christ came to save, NOT condemn! Jesus provided a way into heaven for you and let NO MAN on this earth tell you ANY different! It is THIER problem for not grapsing that and shame will be upon them for judging you the way that they have. This will be hard, but please try to work on forgiving them and not judging them despite the fact that they have done so to you. God promises that if you do not judge and codemn others... He will not judge or condemn you... and God is faithful to His word. He is the only authority there is!! I know exactly what you are going through and I love you as well! Please contact me if you wish to speak more! There is a firey passion in my heart for you now! - Gilbert Gonzalez Jr free2bfierce@hotmail(dot)com

2:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dear scott it was not u that made u agy its the devill god dident make kids with clif lip or mentill illnesis heres how it works god creats you thene sends us to earth but some how during the trip to erth the devill atcs but i think if u pray for god to pureify ur soul and ask him to for give u for urvsins and is u realy truley love god he will not care if ur gay or he will pureify u ps thoghs gut who said ur sillyer thean billy whear probly drunk

8:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

U know what im proud of u,and though god created u,that means he loves..u cant creat what u dnt like,ryt? So dnt mind wht ppl say..oh as u said ,u knw ur poem realy intertains me,coz wht u wrote its exacly what m facing as gay,its like u were defining me,remember god lvs us.and he always will,dnt mind what fools say,follow ur heart,u r the best.d created u,that means he loves..u cant creat what u dnt like,ryt? So dnt mind wht ppl say..oh as u said ,u knw ur poem realy intertains me,coz wht u wrote its exacly what m facing as gay,its like u were defining me,remember god lvs us.and he always will,dnt mind what fools say,follow ur heart,u r the best.

1:13 PM  
Blogger donovan nichols said...

I struggle with this as well, and i can debate this with the most well-versed christian until i am blue in the face, but i think the driving force for my inner demons is to just walk the life you were given with the same open heart as God has. I sometimes wonder if struggling with homosexuality and christianity is Gods plan for us who do struggle with it. Not saying God could be that cruel, but what if this is what God is tempting us with, this Trial, just so that we can rise above and be a leader to take the hand of someone who doesnt have anyone to reach out to, what if this struggle is our calling, and homosexuality is our guiding force to rise above and be the select few, not to change into being "straight" but not to act on our earthly bodily temptations. That we can be blessed and Fulfilled in only him, it will be a life of chaste, but what is 80 years of temptation compared to eternal life in heaven. Just something to think about.

6:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gay is not the way!!! Get on your knees, repent, and obey!!!

9:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing this poem. I found some parts of it very poignant. God bless.

2:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm gay and also religious. I've come to learn god loves me for who i am. He created us, and we were born gay, he wouldnt of created people that are "Evil". I will forever be myself, and who i am. Being gay isn't a sin or a mistake we were created that way. We are meant to be who we are. Once you fall in love you will realize "something like this is not a mistake". We have jesus, and loving the same sex is not a sin. its not anything abnormal or wrong. Whats a sin is reading the bible and twisting the words to their favor.

5:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I myself am a poet, gay and christian and I have to say that I thought this poem was beautiful and very honest. A lot said is what so many are afraid to say. (big thumbs up) :)

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Anonymous Tracey said...

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