God's Infallible Word on a T-shirt
Another great essay I "borrowed" from a friend's blog regard a student (Jake) sanctioned for wearing a "Homosexuality is Wrong" t-shirt at a university...
Things to add to your T-shirt
Rev. Timothy Dewald, Adjunct Professor of Mathematical Sciences and Coordinator of Academic Advising and Community Programs
Dear Jake,
Your T-shirt saying "Homosexuality is Wrong" is incomplete. As a "Bible believing Christian, someone who believes in the authority of the Bible as God's infallible Word to man, the one source of absolute truth," you need to add the following Bible beliefs to you T-shirt:
"Taking a Course from a Female Professor is Wrong." In your letter, you quoted 1 Timothy 1. Read on. 1 Timothy 2:12 says, "I permit no woman to teach or to have authority over a man, she it to keep silent." No female profs, it's as simple as that. As a Christian R.A., you might also want to remind those in your charge to avoid taking medical advice from female nurses, listening to any female staff officers, deans, associate deans, general officers, or vice-presidents, even if they are saved through bearing children (1 Timothy 2:14). I would also refrain from cashing any paychecks signed by a woman. Oh, and I hope you didn't vote for that George W. Bush. He had the nerve to make Condolezza Rice Secretary of State.
"Lesbian Gay is A-Ok with the Bible!" What a catchy phrase to wear on a T-shirt o r utter at the next Bible study! In 1 Timothy and throughout the Bible, only men are prohibited from having sex with other men. Women having sex with other women seem to be ok.
"Multiple Wives and Concubines are Godly Options." With the exception of bishops, men can have lots of wives as well as concubines. Your T-shirt should broadcast this important information. Share this good news with your girlfriend. She'll be even more secure in the knowledge that this is God's will and that, in your relationship, you intend to at least be open to the fact that King Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines (1 Kings 11:3). I'm certain you will receive some of the open dialog you have been requesting.
"Thou Shalt Not Eat Cheeseburgers or Peperoni Pizzas in the Residence Halls or Anywhere Else." This is stated three times in Exodus 23:19, 34:26, and Deuteronomy 14:21. Be sure to meet with the ice hockey team so you can tell them as a group that they are in violation of God's word. I would also inform the football team. Maybe you can meet with all of them at once. That would save time.
"Avoid the Math Department." You will have little trouble getting people to listen to you on this one. However just in case someone needs a biblical justification, let him or her know that the math department is teaching contrary to scripture. Those math heathen persist in claiming that the value of pi is approximately 3.14159 while 1 Kings 7:23 and II Chronicles 4:2 state clearly it is exactly 3.
"Avoid the Physics Department." They too teach contrary to the infallible scriptures, notably Genesis 1:16-17 which clearly states that there is no space, but rather a firmament holding out the waters of chaos and the sun and moon and stars are hung onto the dome of the firmament. A Bible believing Christian doesn't need Newton's laws, let alone relativity. And pay no attention to those phony planetary probes to Mars and Saturn, the Hubble telescope, and the NASA space shuttle. They are contrary to the teachings of scripture.
"Avoid the Biology Department." Not only do they refuse to teach creation science, they insist on teaching this odd theory that plants need sunlight to live. This of course is contrary to scripture in Genesis 1:11-14 which states that plants were created before sunlight.
"God Didn't Make Adam and Steve, He Made Adam and Animals." Next time your minister say, "God didn't make Adam and Steve, he made Adam and Eve," of course laugh along at this enormously clever repartee, even if it is at the expense of others. When the laughter dies down, be certain to stand up and publicly chastise him by citing Genesis 2:18-19. With a smile on your face, remind everyone of the literal truth -- that the first helper and parter God fashioned for Adam was neither Steve nor Eve, but animals and birds. Read this passage to your mother on Mother's Day. You will be certain to receive some open dialog for the reminder that this is the divine order of things. Finally, if someone asks whether this passage implies that God is fallible and doesn't always get things right on the first try, deftly but quickly change the subject, then denounce the person for blasphemy or heresy or something.
"Divorce is Adultery." When people are hurting from the pain of divorce, remind them that if they find happiness and marry again, they are adulterers (Mark 10:11). Remind them of the penalty for adultery is death by stoning. Hold a Christian seminar questioning why we don't get to stone people any more and oh, while I think of it, let us not forget to burn witches. Hey, it's tough, but somebody has to say these biblical truths.
"Get Some Real Biblical Heroes -- Like Lamech, the Nephilim, and Jephthah." Their stories are in Genesis 4:23, 6:1-4, and Judges 11:29-40. They're true role models, real he-men, especially Jephthah.One more suggestion. When quoting the Word of God, be sure to rely exclusively on the King James Version of the Bible because he was such an exemplary heterosexual.
If you make these additions, you'll have a T-shirt true to the literal word of God, not to mention, a swell T-shirt to wear around campus! I can guarantee that you will achieve your goal of an open exchange of ideas. Then, after you have had your open exchange of ideas, you may find that you need a new T-shirt, one that reads simply "Grace."
Things to add to your T-shirt
Rev. Timothy Dewald, Adjunct Professor of Mathematical Sciences and Coordinator of Academic Advising and Community Programs
Dear Jake,
Your T-shirt saying "Homosexuality is Wrong" is incomplete. As a "Bible believing Christian, someone who believes in the authority of the Bible as God's infallible Word to man, the one source of absolute truth," you need to add the following Bible beliefs to you T-shirt:
"Taking a Course from a Female Professor is Wrong." In your letter, you quoted 1 Timothy 1. Read on. 1 Timothy 2:12 says, "I permit no woman to teach or to have authority over a man, she it to keep silent." No female profs, it's as simple as that. As a Christian R.A., you might also want to remind those in your charge to avoid taking medical advice from female nurses, listening to any female staff officers, deans, associate deans, general officers, or vice-presidents, even if they are saved through bearing children (1 Timothy 2:14). I would also refrain from cashing any paychecks signed by a woman. Oh, and I hope you didn't vote for that George W. Bush. He had the nerve to make Condolezza Rice Secretary of State.
"Lesbian Gay is A-Ok with the Bible!" What a catchy phrase to wear on a T-shirt o r utter at the next Bible study! In 1 Timothy and throughout the Bible, only men are prohibited from having sex with other men. Women having sex with other women seem to be ok.
"Multiple Wives and Concubines are Godly Options." With the exception of bishops, men can have lots of wives as well as concubines. Your T-shirt should broadcast this important information. Share this good news with your girlfriend. She'll be even more secure in the knowledge that this is God's will and that, in your relationship, you intend to at least be open to the fact that King Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines (1 Kings 11:3). I'm certain you will receive some of the open dialog you have been requesting.
"Thou Shalt Not Eat Cheeseburgers or Peperoni Pizzas in the Residence Halls or Anywhere Else." This is stated three times in Exodus 23:19, 34:26, and Deuteronomy 14:21. Be sure to meet with the ice hockey team so you can tell them as a group that they are in violation of God's word. I would also inform the football team. Maybe you can meet with all of them at once. That would save time.
"Avoid the Math Department." You will have little trouble getting people to listen to you on this one. However just in case someone needs a biblical justification, let him or her know that the math department is teaching contrary to scripture. Those math heathen persist in claiming that the value of pi is approximately 3.14159 while 1 Kings 7:23 and II Chronicles 4:2 state clearly it is exactly 3.
"Avoid the Physics Department." They too teach contrary to the infallible scriptures, notably Genesis 1:16-17 which clearly states that there is no space, but rather a firmament holding out the waters of chaos and the sun and moon and stars are hung onto the dome of the firmament. A Bible believing Christian doesn't need Newton's laws, let alone relativity. And pay no attention to those phony planetary probes to Mars and Saturn, the Hubble telescope, and the NASA space shuttle. They are contrary to the teachings of scripture.
"Avoid the Biology Department." Not only do they refuse to teach creation science, they insist on teaching this odd theory that plants need sunlight to live. This of course is contrary to scripture in Genesis 1:11-14 which states that plants were created before sunlight.
"God Didn't Make Adam and Steve, He Made Adam and Animals." Next time your minister say, "God didn't make Adam and Steve, he made Adam and Eve," of course laugh along at this enormously clever repartee, even if it is at the expense of others. When the laughter dies down, be certain to stand up and publicly chastise him by citing Genesis 2:18-19. With a smile on your face, remind everyone of the literal truth -- that the first helper and parter God fashioned for Adam was neither Steve nor Eve, but animals and birds. Read this passage to your mother on Mother's Day. You will be certain to receive some open dialog for the reminder that this is the divine order of things. Finally, if someone asks whether this passage implies that God is fallible and doesn't always get things right on the first try, deftly but quickly change the subject, then denounce the person for blasphemy or heresy or something.
"Divorce is Adultery." When people are hurting from the pain of divorce, remind them that if they find happiness and marry again, they are adulterers (Mark 10:11). Remind them of the penalty for adultery is death by stoning. Hold a Christian seminar questioning why we don't get to stone people any more and oh, while I think of it, let us not forget to burn witches. Hey, it's tough, but somebody has to say these biblical truths.
"Get Some Real Biblical Heroes -- Like Lamech, the Nephilim, and Jephthah." Their stories are in Genesis 4:23, 6:1-4, and Judges 11:29-40. They're true role models, real he-men, especially Jephthah.One more suggestion. When quoting the Word of God, be sure to rely exclusively on the King James Version of the Bible because he was such an exemplary heterosexual.
If you make these additions, you'll have a T-shirt true to the literal word of God, not to mention, a swell T-shirt to wear around campus! I can guarantee that you will achieve your goal of an open exchange of ideas. Then, after you have had your open exchange of ideas, you may find that you need a new T-shirt, one that reads simply "Grace."
posted by Scott | 10:50 AM
2 Comments:
I respect your opinion, and want to tell you that God loves you very much. With that being said, being gay and saying you are a Christian is impossible. If you read the Bible you will see that being homosexual is an abomination the God. Why do you think God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah? There are other verses that support this. If you are interested in these other verses please e-mail me and I will be glad to give them to you. There are many conformed homosexuals that will tell you the same thing. Joe Dallas is probably the best example. Please, do not take this as I am condemning you, because I am not. There was a point in my life thatI was on a path to hell, then I saw the light.
Thank You and God Bless You
Pastor Jason Sparks
P.S. My e-mail address is Jason@jeffco.net
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